The Cult of the Pink Cadillac

Wow, this week has been so insane I haven't had a chance to update this blog. I was planning for my next article to be about Howl's Moving Castle, which I saw last weekend, but since it took me so long to update I think I'd better share why it was such a crazy week... I was targeted by the Cult of the Pink Cadillac, better known as the Mary Kay home based cosmetics business.

It started out very simply. A coworker of mine, let's call her MK, decided to become a Mary Kay 'hobby consultant'- someone who registers with them basically to purchase their products at a discount. She asked all the women on our team at work if they wanted to order anything, and quite a few said they would. Several people expressed interest in attending a facial party. We tend to trade hosting these types of parties back and forth among our group, and I hadn't done one for a while, so I volunteered to host the party. That meant I had an immediate need this week to clean my living room (which currently looks immaculate, just so you know). But....

MK asked me, as long as I was hosting the party and all, would I mind going to her weekly consultants meeting with her. I know you don't want to become a consultant, she said. But the meetings are fun, we practice our makeup applications, and I get bonus contribution points for bringing a friend, she said. It's just an hour, and your place is on my way there, so I can pick you up. Sounds like fun, right?

If you answered no to the above question, you are wiser than I. Instead, I agreed to spend last Wednesday night at her meeting. She said the meeting started at 7, but pulled up to my house at 5:30. Thinking I had misremembered the time, I just grabbed my purse and went out the door. We showed up at the meeting place (a cheap hotel's conference room) about 6.

Once I leave work, I tend to be a jeans and t-shirt type of person, so since I had no preparation time, that's how I went. I felt seriously underdressed. Everyone in the room was in expensive dress suits. I was introduced to an excitable blonde we'll call Bambi, the district sales representative running the meeting. Bambi explained to me, gently, that Mary Kay people dress up because in order to be successful, you have to look successful. I wasn't quite sure at that point what exactly that meant, but we will get to that later. After a few hellos and putting up a picture of two red suited women with the phrase “Arrive in Red” blazoned across the top, everyone found their seats.

First, Bambi advised everyone that they needed to get a flip book. This is a little folder-like thing that opens out into a little wedge shaped display with clear pages, so you can have one facing your audience and a second facing you. This is important, so I was told, so that you don't miss any of the important steps in the presentation and you can have your own notes on your side. Bambi stressed that you must NEVER skip any of the steps from the presentation, especially the part about how easy it is to become a Mary Kay representative. I had always thought of Mary Kay as a slightly more genteel version of Avon, but I was beginning to get the idea that this was MLM (multi level marketing) and I really wasn't liking the idea much.

While I was coming to this (belated) realization, Bambi was giving us all the presentation, along with her suggestions on how to give each page of the presentation more impact. She explained that she did this for the group every week; because this presentation was most crucial part of the Mary Kay party and everyone should always be looking for ways to make this presentation better. For the most part, it was pretty standard stuff: this is what makes our products so special, here's a little bit about our history, etc. When she got to the part about how easy it is to join up, I got a real eye opener. This page, Bambi explained, is where you want to put your "I Story". An "I Story" is your personal testimonial on how selling Mary Kay has transformed your life, making you happier, more successful, and better in bed. I may be misremembering the details here. ;) Even if you've just started Mary Kay, Bambi advised us, you need a powerful "I Story", so don't be afraid to punch it up a little. People need to hear about how much money you're making so easily, so they will join Mary Kay, adding to the number of “active and qualified consultants” that report to you. In a worst case scenario, she said, one out of every ten people you give your presentation to should agree to become a Mary Kay consultant. That number struck me as more than a little unrealistic, but fortunately pizza arrived just then, so I didn't get the chance to question that figure.

As we all lined up to get our pizza, I took the opportunity to surreptitiously check my watch. It was already past seven, and obviously we were just getting started. Once we had our plates filled, there was a DVD to watch. This DVD, I was told, is designed for the potential recruit whose husband is resistant to the idea of them joining up. This 45 minute presentation was filled with top tier Mary Kay ladies and their spouses, explaining how selling Mary Kay was the best decision they ever made. About half the shots had the husbands explaining how Mary Kay allowed their wives to stay at home to raise the kids (apparently every woman's Holy Grail) and focus on truly important things like their home. The other half featured the women explaining how effortlessly they'd gone from doing facial parties to managing networks of thousands of Mary Kay reps, while their husbands gazed at them adoringly. This DVD also finally answered one of my questions: what the heck is an “active and qualified representative”? It turns out that is someone you've recruited who is buying from the company at least $200 in product every two weeks. Not selling, mind you, because the company doesn't actually track that. Just buying.

At the end, Bambi (whose perkiness was now becoming annoying) bounced back to the front of the room. "Wasn't that inspiring?" she asked, and the room full of representatives cheered. She then let everyone know that they could buy their own copy of the DVD to loan to resistant recruiting targets, or could borrow hers. After all, she enthused, if these prospectives don't turn into "active and qualified consultants," they've missed the opportunity of a lifetime. And we wouldn't want that, would we?

Almost two hours into the meeting, Bambi got around to introductions. She went first, explaining that as a district sales representative, she had over 30 "active and qualified consultants" reporting to her. The next woman, we were told, had over 25 and would surely become a new district sales represntative within the next two weeks. Of the remaining women, all but one had joined Mary Kay within 3 months. The exception said, with an embarrased smile, that she'd been a “hobby level” consultant for three years but she had decided to focus on being a Mary Kay representative full time now that she was staying home with her baby. I felt more than a little bad for the roomful of enthusiastic "active and qualified consultants" at that point. Given the fact that only two people in the room had been trying to build a Mary Kay business for more than 3 months, I'm guessing there is a sharp dropoff rate in representatives once the first rush of "Oh, let's help MK get her business going" parties is over.

Introductions over, we went on to another video, this one announcing the new products and a new promotion, I Love Lipstick. The video featured a peppy soundtrack and glossy, high production value shots. Thankfully, it was relatively short. Finally, we went over upcoming scheduled events. This is the point where I decided that Mary Kay is not just a MLM scam, it's a cult. MK's group of representatives meets every Wednesday for this meeting, plus conference calls every Thursday and Sunday nights to discuss recruiting strategy, conference calls Saturday morning to discuss sales tactics, and additional training meetings every other Saturday afternoon and every fourth Monday.

A little more than hours after arriving, I was back in the car with MK, enduring my final indignity of the evening: her sales pitch. I explained again that I had no interest in joining. At this point she suggested that, since she knew how much I enjoyed my computer, she thought I should become an internet representative and sell over the computer. She managed to sound like she believed that if I put up a website to sell Mary Kay orders would flock to my door. Besides, she said enthusiastically, surely your online friends will want to buy from you! I managed to keep from snickering at the idea of trying to sell makeup to the fine people I meet in World of Warcraft, particularly my Horde friends. Hey StillUndead, I've got just the thing for your skin problem! At any rate, I did what any self respecting married woman does when she needs an excuse: I threw my darling husband under the bus. I explained to MK that I couldn't possibly agree to become a Mary Kay consultant without my husband's go-ahead, and escaped inside.

At any rate, the party was today. Of all the people who had expressed such interest in coming to MK's debut facial party, exactly two showed. Thankfully, MK didn't use her flip chart, and we all had a lovely time. In return for my all week manic housecleaning and purchase of snack foods that no one sampled, I got the opportunity to purchase $75 worth of products for only $35. Whee! Based on my wonderful results, I was able to gently explain to MK that I didn't think I should cut into her profit potential by becoming a consultant, since some of the people from our work might then by from me instead. Point made, she gave up gracefully, leaving me with my uneaten party trays to clean up.

On the plus side, my living room looks the best it has in ages. Even so, the next time I'm invited to a Mary Kay meeting, I'm running for the hills!

In addition to the site listed above, I recommend checking out Mary Kay Opinions if you really want to know more. This site has many wiki topics both pro and con linked, as well as some vehement discussion on both sides.

If you've read this far and still think Mary Kay sounds interesting, I recommend going to The Truth on MLM. Among other things, the extensive data collected there shows that over a ten year period, approximately 99.9% of representatives for product based MLMs can expect to lose money! Yikes!